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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2003.03.31  08.16
a good weekend... followed by monday...?

the start of another week... but at least I had a good weekend for once (no offence HC, I loved you!) My weekend was filled with nothing but carl... my parents went away from friday to sunday. People came over saturday night but it was still fun. Except it seemed like a few only were there so I could find them p.o.t... but whatever. I didn't, so they got theirs... or didn't... haha.

blah, I just hope this week goes by fast. Prom's on friday I hope everyone's ready for it. I really don't want to go, I considered just not buying tickets today, but then I jumped on the bandwagon and it took me away. Another $85 gone. That goes along with the $230 I spent this weekend on grasscity.com and dave matthews band tickets. At least I have the comfort of knowing that people owe me alot of money now.

Does anyone know any good websites for prom hair-do's? Cause I have no idea what I'm gonna do... except I'm gonna change the color, that should be fun.

Mood: sleepy

  2003.03.25  08.00
Blah... a tuesday

today is tuesday and that would suck except carl may come down and see me today, yippie! and my parents are letting us have the house to ourselves this weekend starting friday night, so that's exciting. I have work on saturday... but that can be worked around. My mom would rather me stay in the house alone with carl than have me go out and get "hit by a car" or something. I can't wait to start taking pictures for photography, either. I want to go to the park and take pictures of moss on rocks and whatnot. I hope it's not too early in the year. The naked thing is way over done now though, it seems. And the [look away from the camera and very serous] has been used too much also. If I take any nudie pitures it'd be of both of us... or just carl. that's another thing to be excited about. so I guess today isn't that bad... it's tuesday, but keep your head up, you!

I hope everyone's doing ok after the tragity of that young girl. It makes me really sad, and kind of sick. I just hope that it doesn't coninue or become a trend in middle school now. I wasn't worried about that in the high school after Frankie, but middle school is different. I just wish those kids could know just how permanent death is, because sometimes I don't beleive they do. In anyway, I hope that everyone's greiving is accompanied and put to rest by another's love.

Have a good day everyone, be happy : )

Mood: loved

  2003.01.13  09.43
Today... is ok.

yes yes... I know this statement is a bold one, being it monday and all and my negativity tells me that all mondays should be depressing and stuff. However, today I feel uplifted and awake, maybe because I had a good weekend. I learned this new song, Carl sang it to me:

"Drip, drip goes the bitch and I know it's fine.
Drip, drip goes the bitch and I know she's mine.

God, that's so sweet, isn't it? Love is blissful

yesterday me, carl and mal and others had fun, and the day before that I had the most fun I've had in a long long time. not just because I was a little drunk and a lot high, but because I was with all of my good friends and we weren't worried about anything for once. We also had a berry blunt and that was nice until I burnt the shit outta my mouth under my tounge and all. Friday night was fun too. We went to a chinese buffet in brookhaven (I think)and we told the waitress it was Matt Scheier's birthday. Over the loud speaker they started playing happy birthday and they played it like 4 times, 2 english, 2 chinese. He was so mortally embarrassed. Life is good right now, I hope the rest of the week keeps up.

we have a three day weekend comming up!!

Mood: awake

  2002.11.08  09.20


  2002.11.06  09.13

I agree with mal, this week has been way WAY too long.

Yesterday was really hard, but I feel a lot better today. Tragedy comes along every once in a while, but almost everyone did a great job comming together to accept reality and move on together without the great kid we lost so suddenly and sadly.

I really miss carl durring the week. It's harder and harder every week that goes by, but every weekend the wait is more and more worth it. God, I love that kid.

Jess, Mal, Danielle, and everyone else I hung out with on Saturday night... I mean it, everyone I want us to have another party soon, cause I really enjoyed spending time with you guys. It was all the fun without all the bullshit I get otherwise. Usually I spend my time looking for something to do, and never end up doing anything. So, next time you guys have an organized get together, gimme a call. As soon as my parents go away again, I'll have a party and you'll be the crowd I invite.

Mood: okay

  2002.11.05  09.56
Francis William Schaffer R.I.P (you are loved)

Today is a sad day for many people, but it's also a day where we can all look past what happend a few nights ago. We sat in advisory today and laughed about old stories about Frank, even stories about him making fun of us. Today many will be able to move on I hope. Frankie will never be forgotten. He'll always have a place in my heart, and maybe he'll be a symbol, a reminder, for people in that they'll remember the love and appriciation everyone posseses for eachother when it really comes down to it. Frank was a wonderful guy, and I'll miss his smiling face and obnoxious remarks. But he'll always be here inside of everyone.

Mood: melancholy

  2002.11.01  09.59

last night sucked.

halloween sucks.

school sucks.

I want to go home. Anyone else in?

Mood: pissed off

  2002.10.30  09.51
Hello to everyone; today, is wednsday.

I can't stop caughing and it's really annoying. I'm in the library and I'm the only person making noise (what a change). Tomorrow's halloween and I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm gonna do something and that's all that matters. Today shall be fun too. I have a lot of shit to do, but if it all gets done I'll be very happy. I have to go to DQ and get off on sunday, because I have to acolite at church. That should be fun because me matt and laura all have to do it together. So we'll wake & bake sunday morning to get rid of our hang overs. Hahaha. It's all so bad. But, I plan on having fun all weekend, and then being very awake and participant in church on sunday. The best of everything, because life only comes around once. Plus, I can't stand organized religion anymore, but I have to go sometimes because I want to go to harvey cedars this year.

uh... lack of motivation means I didn't do any homework last night. Instead, I went to bed at 9 and woke up... feeling... well, awake. A feeling I haven't gotten in way too long. To all of you who will be present on saturday night ROCK ON! We're gonna have a good time. Do a little dance... make a little love... get down tonight! Is anyone being a cat, cause I wanna do that I think. If someone is, tell me cause I wont do it.


  2002.10.14  23.09

for all the lovely people out there... if you have any more problems with what erika does or says instead of whining and coming up with dumb assmuptions like "she was sneaking me in for sex" on saturday,well she wasnt . but anyways talk to me about it because i would love to hear from ya. my name is carl thats right her punny bf. my e-mail address is ratking64


  2002.10.14  10.14

first off, to everyone that defended me, thank you I really appreciate people who ACTUALLY know me sticking up for me.

As for the anonymous assholes -- NONE of you have any clue about me and Carl and how we feel about eachother not like I have anything to prove to you, but if Carl didn't love me would he really ride 2 busses and a trolly by himself to come see me? Or ride a bike a few miles from newtown to my house every day in the summer? No, I din't think so. Obvously, if you think sex is wrong, you have no idea what love is. Sex, is not love, and love is not sex, they are two different things but they CAN go together if the couple is mature and in love, as we are. I don't give a fuck what you think about me sneeking him into the house, I think it's extremely romantic to rush someone upstairs so I can cuddle with him under red lights and soft music. Hahahaha. So when you grow some balls to come and give me your opinion, maybe I'll consider it. Until then, stay in your world.

I didn't even end up sneaking him in in the end anyway... and why does everyone always bitch (anonymously) when I write in here?


  2002.10.12  23.53
time... goes by... so slowly... and time...

blah blah blah, I'm sitting here waiting for a few more minutes to go by so I can tell carl to come back... haha my parents just went to bed like 2 minutes ago, so I have to wait to sneek him back in. I know, go ahead and say it, I'm bad... but I don't care, no no I do not. Tonight shall be fun, I guarantee it, and then I can make him breakfast tomorrow morning (awe).

Damnit... she's back downstairs and I'm getting tired... I wanna go to bed... :( poor me hahaha.

ok I'm sure no one cares any further... quick change of subject -- If you want the first chapter of Chuck Palahniuk's new book Lullaby I think this link works: www.lullaby-book.com I think that's what I'm gonna do now, just go read this.

Mood: bored

  2002.10.10  14.38
fucking administrative--

so.. it seems like I'll be sitting here until 3:20... but carl and john may be comming down to visit me, and then I get to go get allergy shots! WOO HOO (I didn't tell them that though, cause would you want to go with me to get allergy shots?) I hurt myself playing archery, so I stole the arrow head. Does anyone know how to cage this thing right here? I think it's getting away. That would be a shame, because then all of the pretty flowers would die. I need something to do.

Mood: anxious

  2002.10.08  11.21

I feel like such a looser this year. Instead of being in chemistry class, I'm in the library cause I changed my pass. I'm dropping it, and getting into applied science instead. Isn't that sad? From honors chem to applied... oh well... whatever works. I'd rather be a retard since I don't really need chemestry later anyway.

Mood: blank

  2002.10.04  09.18

What kind of porno would you star in?

brought to you by Quizilla


  2002.10.03  10.43

I'm in the library and mrs. naismith is being video taped for something. I wanna go tackle her, or throw something at her, or push the kid in the wheelchair at her because it would be funny to have something like that on tape.

Mood: amused

  2002.09.20  09.04

I don't think I wrote in here all summer. Today's picture day, I even put on some makeup. I didn't do that all summer either. Advisory sucks, so does school, but today's friday which means karin and carl pick us up from school. Mrs. Funk's laughing loudly... it's kinda scary. Graduation project's due! how much fun that was (to copy)(thanx jess).

Mood: anxious

  2002.07.15  13.45

well summer's like... half over now. It's been good so far, very lazy. I've seen a lot of Karin and Carl... and not enough of Laura, but that'll change when she gets back from RI with KB. I can't wait for the Dave concert on wednsday! I think it's just going to be me and Carl. I bought tickets a long time ago, and have been trying to get more people together, but it never worked out. It'll be real nice just the two of us anyway, we're both excited.

I hope everyone's having a good, safe summer. I know I am ^_^

Mood: happy

  2002.07.15  13.43
I'm a Dan!

Wut Danny are ya?


  2002.06.23  00.29

Whoever this was, I don't really give a fuck except for now I don't know who out of all those guys I can trust, you're a real asshole and I don't give a fuck wether you think you know me or not because you don't, and absolutely could not. No one of dan's friends knows me, dan didn't even know who I fucking was because he was too stubborn to find out. So fuck you, whoever you are, I hope you made yourself happy. Because if you were any kind of a friend to dan, you'd teach him how to treat people, but you obvously don't know much about it yourself. You wont make it anywhere in life, and collage will be a big culture shock, I promice you. I wonder which one will end up in a busted frat or with some pregnant drunk fat fuck the morning after. Fuck. you. and not to live up to it, that shows a lot about your personality. Obvously you're a real fucking person, deep as a puddle to make fun of karin. And I know you, and dan still care. Otherwise you wouldn't go out of your way to make me upset, which I must say you succeded at. Grow up, wise up, and get a fucking grip on yourself. If eveyone wants to say something to me so bad, come up to me and say it. And then wait and see what happens. Don't be a pussy. Have a nice life, I'm glad you're gone.

o0my iron lung0o: who's this?
o0my iron lung0o: this is my old sn
PJsilverbeetleGR: whos this?
o0my iron lung0o: and you know it...
o0my iron lung0o: what's the PJ GR for?
PJsilverbeetleGR: who are you?
o0my iron lung0o: my name's erika
o0my iron lung0o: who are you?
PJsilverbeetleGR: so is mine
o0my iron lung0o: this is my old sn
o0my iron lung0o: fuck you
o0my iron lung0o: don't pull that
PJsilverbeetleGR: who do u think thi sis?
o0my iron lung0o: I don't know
PJsilverbeetleGR: no idea huh?
o0my iron lung0o: I had that sn on my buddy list for... some reason
o0my iron lung0o: who?
PJsilverbeetleGR: loser...having urself on ur own buddy list
o0my iron lung0o: do you know me?
PJsilverbeetleGR: yeah i do
o0my iron lung0o: yeah serously...
o0my iron lung0o: ok, so who are you?
PJsilverbeetleGR: yeah seriously erica russel
o0my iron lung0o: well you can't know me that well cause you can't spell my name...
PJsilverbeetleGR: i may not like you...but i know you
o0my iron lung0o: oh, how sweet
PJsilverbeetleGR: so hows ur summer going
PJsilverbeetleGR: i havent seen you around since school
o0my iron lung0o: just tell me who you are
o0my iron lung0o: please?
PJsilverbeetleGR: guess
o0my iron lung0o: you're from school?
PJsilverbeetleGR: i dont go to your school
o0my iron lung0o: I'm trying to think who knew this sn
o0my iron lung0o: bernie?
o0my iron lung0o: tim?
o0my iron lung0o: pat
o0my iron lung0o: matt
o0my iron lung0o: adam
o0my iron lung0o: guy or girl?
o0my iron lung0o: it's not dan, cause his sister just signed on
PJsilverbeetleGR: all these people....
o0my iron lung0o: oh fuck you
PJsilverbeetleGR: lets say i knew you before you were eriKa
o0my iron lung0o: but you're not from my school?
PJsilverbeetleGR: nope
o0my iron lung0o: that was like, 6th grade when I started spelling my name like that (by the way, I was talking about my last name that you spelled wrong)
o0my iron lung0o: are you male, or female?
o0my iron lung0o: I didn't know anyone outside of school back then... I don't think
o0my iron lung0o: I met bern + tim in 7th
o0my iron lung0o: whatever, you're not gonna tell me? I'm not playing this game. fuck off... goodbye
PJsilverbeetleGR: ahahahaahahaa ok
PJsilverbeetleGR: kill urself
o0my iron lung0o: what the fuck
o0my iron lung0o: you can say that but you don't have the balls to tell me who you are
o0my iron lung0o: yeah you're real cool
PJsilverbeetleGR: oh i am...yess i am, u kno why? bc i do drugs and drugs are fucking cool
o0my iron lung0o: yeah real cool...
PJsilverbeetleGR: yeah, you should know
PJsilverbeetleGR: they make u cool
o0my iron lung0o: see now obvously you don't know me
PJsilverbeetleGR: oh ok...i guess its only your friends i know
o0my iron lung0o: just tell me who you are?
PJsilverbeetleGR: my friend told one of my other friends that that gurl karen grows pot in her back yeard
o0my iron lung0o: what are you afraid of?
o0my iron lung0o: well, she doesn't, and if she did, who's business whould it be?
PJsilverbeetleGR: oh well, even if she did no1 would get it from her bc that same friend of my frien said she was ugly
o0my iron lung0o: oh, so now you're a shallow pussy?
PJsilverbeetleGR: yup yiup
PJsilverbeetleGR: is she THAT ugly? i never saw heer
o0my iron lung0o: if you wont grow a set and tell me who you are, fuck off, you're a waste of my time
PJsilverbeetleGR: yeah man
PJsilverbeetleGR: go have a fucken seisure on stage, ok?
o0my iron lung0o: what, you didn't get on the sn just to horass me did you? cause that'd be bretty fucking lame
o0my iron lung0o: miss me, don't you?
o0my iron lung0o: and don't know how to handle it?
PJsilverbeetleGR: hmmm?
o0my iron lung0o: I thought so
PJsilverbeetleGR: hold up who do u think i am?
o0my iron lung0o: I have no clue
o0my iron lung0o: probably one of dan's friends
o0my iron lung0o: although you'd probably know that I didn't have a seizure on stage if you were...
PJsilverbeetleGR: u fuckin pill popping slut
o0my iron lung0o: fuck you. you don't know shit about me
o0my iron lung0o: and you can't even own up to your words, you're worthless
PJsilverbeetleGR: im worthless? oh self esteem hitter. thanks let me just go OD on pills b4 a concert now ok?
o0my iron lung0o: hey you know what? Everyone makes mistakes in their life, no one's proud of them. But at least I can take responsability for mine. Unlike you, who can't even say who the fuck you are. At least I know what the fuck i'm talking about. And I'm happy now.
PJsilverbeetleGR: good, go be happy and high...thats the way 2 b
o0my iron lung0o: who said high?
o0my iron lung0o: like I said, you don't know me
o0my iron lung0o: and I don't know you
o0my iron lung0o: or do i/
PJsilverbeetleGR: i kno more about u than u think
o0my iron lung0o: yeah?
o0my iron lung0o: when's the last time you talked to me?
o0my iron lung0o: you can't know anything about me if you hate me so much because you're view is clouded by your own fucking stupidity
PJsilverbeetleGR: who said hate?
o0my iron lung0o: and stubborness
o0my iron lung0o: well they're some pretty harsh words there if you didn't notice.
o0my iron lung0o: or maybe you didn't think...
PJsilverbeetleGR: or maybe im just saying what every1 else wants to say to you or what u want to admit to urself
o0my iron lung0o: I know myself thank you
o0my iron lung0o: don't thell me about me if you can't even tell me who you are
PJsilverbeetleGR: wow. u suck.
o0my iron lung0o: oh real intelligent
PJsilverbeetleGR: more intelligent thatn youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu are
o0my iron lung0o: sure
o0my iron lung0o: this wouldn't happen to be megan would it?
PJsilverbeetleGR: megan?
PJsilverbeetleGR: nah u wanna kno?
o0my iron lung0o: yeah
o0my iron lung0o: I'd like to know who to avoid next time I see them
PJsilverbeetleGR: dans friend
o0my iron lung0o: yeah, which one?
PJsilverbeetleGR: sorry erica he told me to do it
PJsilverbeetleGR signed off at 12:19:55 AM.
PJsilverbeetleGR signed on at 12:20:57 AM.
PJsilverbeetleGR signed off at 12:21:02 AM.


  2002.06.07  03.11
wee hours of the morning.

well I don't do this often... but I'm still awake... talking to Brian Marc. We were doing a project just miss long that we should've started a long time ago. But it's fun, we should've seen our duo capabilities long ago. I don't think I'll be going to sleep. I'll just make carl take a nap with me tomorrow afternoon.

Me and Jess walked home today, and it was nice. It rained from the library to my house, but then I got in the shower and all was well. I like rain in the summer.

Later is friday, nice, very nice. I'm looking forward to my visitor...

ahh... ok goodbye.

Mood: awake

  2002.06.05  14.44

hey I need a favor --

anoone in doc maloney's class, I need a copy of both the ruberic for the project and the study guide for the test that went down today. if someone could send me those or post them or whatever I'd love them (and owe them) forever. please?!

my email: pleasedieana7@givepeaceachance.com

please please please.


  2002.05.29  22.53

I did my homework for doc last night because it was easy and I knew I'd be too lazy for it tonight... since I wasn't home till like 7 cause I went to dinner and cvs with my mom after I got home.

I had so much fun in cvs... I bought new shampoo and conditioner... and 3 different new skin care products... also a sponge, a brush and some make up, I had so much fun... I felt like such a girl! And my mom saw how much fun I was having... so she said I didn't have to pay her back for it all since it's been so long, and I wanted to get shit for my face since I'm off accutaine and it's getting hotter out lately :)

I get to come in late tomorrow... I should go to bed now anyway...

but... I'll be there for lunch!

I'm so happy it's already thursday

and... goodnight.


  2002.05.29  09.16
uh... a new day...?

I'm going into ud today after school to hang out with laura ect. Should be fun, I'm gonna do some spending... and I finally found someone who'll buy my diskman off of me. AND... it's already wednsday! Tomorrow morning will suck, ruining my thursdays from now until whenever my mom decides that it's her that's crazy and not me...

I'm so glad to be getting back to normal again. My life is begining to get easier now... and I just need to continue what I'm doing. I'm happy with the people I'm with... a few in particular :) and I think things can only get better. There's really nothing else that can happen bad... it's already passed

I had a dream saturday night that really sucked, I woke up crying on an already tear-stained pillow... proving that I cried in my sleep too. But as I said, I'm happier now with what I have and things are unfolding well again.

I hope everyone else is doing ok too... mal and jess both here today for lunch?! Better be I'm going through withdrawl of you mal... I know you're here... watch jess disapear.

Mood: calm

  2002.05.26  18.18

well, it's sunday already, I hope everyone's weekend went good. mine did, until this morning when I felt a little down, but friday night turned out wonderfully and saturday night wasn't bad either. I saw insomniac sat. night with carl (and my parents... )(I'm grounded) it wasn't what I expected... it was ok... but not great like I'd hoped.

at least I have tomorrow off, I'm looking forward to sleeping tonight and tomorrow morning. I'm at my aunt's house right now, have been all day, and I'm talking in broken sentances... but I broke a waterballoon on my mother's head with a stick when I hid in some bushes durring a bochi ball game.

Mood: groggy

  2002.05.16  20.33
yes... ok.

So, today was a good day.

6:03 -- woke up

6:45 -- arrived at school for 'trebel makers' rehersal such as every tuesday and thrusday goes... no one was there... didn't start till 7... it's ok because I had coffe and yogert
with me. yummie...

7:30 -- entered audion a, and started AP music theory test.

10:50ish -- finished ap test... and went to lunch and finished the rest of the day

3:10 -- arrived home, went out on front lawn with blanket, cd player, school bag, and harry on a rope

5:30ish -- my dad comes home... so I went back inside and decided on dinner... only ate some of it though.

6:30ish -- called carl back... talked for a little... he had a wonderful day too!

8:15ish -- got off of the phone... and took a shower...

NOW 8:36 -- carl just called me right now... go figure... haha goodbye.

Mood: giggly

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